I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
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