I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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