it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
