man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
