You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Randomize
