I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
