Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
