I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
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