it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
