guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
