It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
