Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
