I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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