Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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