Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
