Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
