There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
