I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
