haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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