You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
