Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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