If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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