i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
