I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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