so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
