Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
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