Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
