I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
