Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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