I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
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He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
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I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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