The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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