i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I just want nice things and good sex
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
