i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
