He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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