You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
