I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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