so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize