You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
