He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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