I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
