my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
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