somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just want to make out with him forever
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
Randomize
