I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
