can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
