Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize
