a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
