def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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