Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
