i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
