We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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