What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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