I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
