My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I need moral support for this bender
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
