when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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