just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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