I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
