just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Bring me that man meat
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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