Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
