so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
