I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
