Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
im about as happy as oj after his trial
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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