is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm getting married
To pizza
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
