honey bunches of taint.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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