I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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