i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
