I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
