The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i drank out of a bidet.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
