How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
