No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
